funny

HE BURIED HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS AND SOBBED. He rocked his head side to side. Kept saying to himself, “What did I do?” As his hands got soaked by tears, they started trembling. He tried to lift his head out of his hands but it felt so heavy, like bricks. He couldn’t control his tears and his head started pounding. As he tried to get up, he started feeling woozy. Alcohol is a hell of a drug. He swore never to go back to that bar, but he did it anyway. It was a bad idea to rekindle his relationship with an old friend, especially one who has quite the destructive tendencies. He was actually kind of unstable, everyone said. You could see it in the blood-gleam in his eyes, the way he collected kittens, and his tendency to howl at the moon and eat his savory kibble out of a tin can. His sister had watched him for years, but after a while, she had decided to get married and the husband wasn’t crazy about caring for a crazy person and kicked the poor guy out in the lobby. Even though it was something he “had” to do because he didn’t want to lose his job, he couldn’t stop thinking about the poor guy sitting outside in the middle of January because its freezing and there will be a snow storm later tonight. I went ahead and invited him in for some hot tea and a warm dinner. He seem surprised when I invited him. He seemed scared, like he didn’t want to touch me or something. He made me feel like I had some bacterial disease of some sort.

“So would you like Chinese or Pizza?” I asked shyly

“ Umm, whatever you get will sit fine with me”. He said a little displeased

As I picked up the phone to dial the Chinese restaurant, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was the delivery man, so calm and collective having a quick cigarette. I was waiting on my pizza for hours and he had the nerve to light a cigarette as if I wasn’t waiting. He will not get a tip from me and my pizza better not be cold. I have a good idea I will grab the pizza and  run. Hey, let’s do this then. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I grab the pizza and jet out of there, back to my car.

Pizza? Having Chicken Souvlaki on a stick is way healthier! Why eat pizza and get fat? But then again, do I really give a fuck. My husband left me, my boyfriend is married, and my mother is on the verge of kicking me out on the street. So, fuck it, Pizza it is. “Yeah I’ll take a XL”

In 30 minutes the pizza arrived, I paid the tip and devoured the pizza whole. On the last slice I began to choke. Gasping for air I scrambled.  I went to the kitchen trying to grab a cup, but then I lost my balance and hit my head. I touched the spot where I had hit and there was blood on my hands. Grabbed a towel to hold pressure and all that is all I recalled until I ended up in a hospital room.